his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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