It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
