She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
