So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
