Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
