At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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