Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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