I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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