i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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