he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize