The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
