did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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