I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
