Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
