i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Randomize
