my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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