hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
