we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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