She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
