I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
