my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
