Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
