Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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