I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
