He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize