had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
