every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
