My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
