can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
