Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
