Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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