So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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