how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
