people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
