never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
