No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
