my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He felt like a one man threesome
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize