someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
