Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
