I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
