I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
