I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
