He had one of those small greek statue penises
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
