This is not my ceiling
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You know, be my cock's hype man.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
