I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
