Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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