i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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