I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
