If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
