Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
