just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
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