Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize