i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
