i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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