Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
