i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
