The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
