so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
