Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
