She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
