Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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