winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
