Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
