I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
