I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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