i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
