:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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