i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
