Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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