I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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