i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize