I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
