I just found puke in my bra..
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
