Your mouth is God's brothel.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
