hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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