that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
